Two Girls, One Site

1. Do you like blue cheese? My mom taught me never to eat blue cheese or yellow snow. Blue snow is okay, though, because antifreeze keeps my innards warm.

2.Have you ever been drunk? Not as drunk as you, I bet, Quiz Author.

3. Do you own a gun? No, but all my friend Jen’s status updates have suddenly made me want one.

4. What flavor of Soda is your favorite? I Can’t Believe It’s Not Strychnine!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only the one who buys me flowers and takes me out to dinner before my annual Pap smear. Fucking HMOs.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they deserve the vote like everyone else.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Year Without a Baby Jesus.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Scotch.

9. Can you do Push-ups? I can do A push-up. I figure that’s all I need.

10.What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A relic of St. Maria Goretti.

11. Favorite hobby? This.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? No, I’m aces at therapy.

13.What’s your favorite shoe? Ass-kicking boots.

14. What is your middle name? Your Mom. Little known fact.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:Jeremy Newborn Street, recorder concert, foot.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? I am like a camel. I drink Evian once a month.

17. Current worry?When will I go to bed?

18. Current hate right now? Dairy Queen. Why advertise an ice cream cake online?

19. How many times a day do you masturbate? How many minutes do you got?

20. How did you bring in the New Year? Hanging out in Flagstaff with that crazy waiter from Denny’s.

21. Where would you like to go? I would like? I would like. I would like a trip to Europe.

22. Name three people who will complete this? Shut your dirty little mouth!

23. Do you own slippers? Not since I quit Crabtree. Too many bad memories of slipper returns.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? I am wearing a sexy negligee, actually. Cause that’s how I roll.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? Satin has always seemed really uncomfortable to me.

26. Can you whistle? I just put my lips together and blow.

27. Favorite color? “I drew a line, I drew a line for you. Oh, what a thing to do, and it was all YELLOW.”

28. Would you be a pirate? I’m into antidisestablishmentarianism, but not to the point where I want to rape and pillage. I guess that’s a character flaw for any potential pirate.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Musical theatre. Tonight was “Jekyll & Hyde,” but for a minute I couldn’t remember why I knew the song because I thought maybe it was from “Miss Saigon.”

30. Favorite girls name? Wendy Moira Angela Darling.

31. Favorite boy’s name? David Foster Wallace.

32.What’s in your pocket right now? Pockets? This is Neverland, fool.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Catherine Tate. “What a fucking liberty!”

34. Best bed sheets as a child? Gingham with blue roses. I now call them my “Gentleman Caller of Oz” sheets.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had as a child? Somebody kicked me in the nose at open swim on Valentine’s Day. Foreshadowing.

36. Do you love where you live? Yep. My apartment is sweet. I love it more than my first abortion.

37. Do you have any pets? Oh, yeah, clearly I’m fit to be responsible for another life. I don’t even have any plants.

38. Who is your loudest friend? Erica. Even in Montana, I can hear her loud and clear.

39. How many dogs do you have? Jeepers Creepers, what is your obsession with animal ownership, Quiz Author?

40. Does someone have a crush on you? not that i know of

41. What is your favorite book? i won’t even start, or we’ll be here all day

42. What is your favorite candy? Extreme Sour Pop Rocks. Candy is pain.

43. What is your favorites sports team? I won’t answer this grammatically nonsensical question.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? “Fly” by Nick Drake and “Lament” from Evita. It’s going to be highly entertaining, as funerals go.

-KA